As I laid my head on the pillow tonight with your baby brother on the bed making his first few sounds, a joyful memory of you as a baby came to my head. Your baby brother, my conconcito, already started saying papa, like your other brother, my hombrecito, did. They both said papa first. Then I thought all babies say papa first, and then it hit me, you, my morena, you said mama.
Such a joyful memory! To experience again what I felt when at just 5 months old you said your first word: mama. You have always being a daddy’s girl, from very early in your life, and that made me a bit jealous at times; being my first-born, my little girl, of course I wanted you to like me. But no, you always had your eyes on papi.
I even remember getting back home from work before papi, opening the apartment’s door and you breaking into a cry asking me where was your papi. As you grew the bond between you too did and I learned to accept and understand that bond. But I digress, as I really want to tell you about why you saying mama first is such a joyful memory for me.
Is not only about the excitement and validation that gave me but the reason you probably did said that word first. It has to do with your other greater connection in life: Mamá Amparo. You started babbling only a week after you were born because she was there with you, talking to you about how pretty you were with your full head of hair.
In a way, I think she helped you to start saying words faster than most babies, and then with her being around, you heard the word mamá all the time. You see, I never thought of this before. Tonight for the first time I connected the dots, reassuring the certainty I have about the bond you share with Mamá Amparo.
That gave me joy. I like it when I can unlock a truth that was there but only time could make me see it. Of course, you are now 5 years old so that’s not the only joyful memory I have from your life. Every day there is a moment in which I’m in awe and I have to step back, admire you and enjoy being the mom of such a precious girl.
By the time you read this letter, Mamá Amparo will probably be a farther memory in your life; a great-grandmother that you have seen in pictures. But you should know this; you are a part of her, and the bond the two of you share will remain with you forever, even if you don’t know it.
Mami loves you today, tomorrow and always.
Kisses mi morena,
Mami
[dania]
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